My physical therapy sessions have all been going very well. My homework – another story. I was still having issues doing the insertion on my own at home. I spoke with my PT during one session about how I never really learned about my vagina. The instructions from her: ‘This weekend, I want you to become one with your vagina’. This ought to be interesting.
I was still having issues all weekend. So I did some research on the vaginismus forum I visit and finally posted asking for some guidance from anyone else who had also had issues doing the insertion at home. One very kind lady gave me some advice and once I took her advice – I had success! This might be a little TMI for my friends reading this blog, but for the women out there who have trouble with the dilators at first- try using a finger. This allows you to actually feel what you are doing. For me, the realization came that I was probably hitting the pubic bone with the dilators (not inserting at the right angle). I still had some minor troubles but knew that my most capable PT would help me figure that out.
My following session went well again; we were up to the 2nddilator in the kit that I had purchased online (this would technically be size Small). I asked my PT what was going on with me at home that I was having issues – that I had a minor success but was still struggling. She put on her ‘thinking face’ and came up with an idea. She had Dawn watch her do the insertion once so she could see what angle she was using. Then she set me up on the table in a position that was conducive for me to insert on my own, stepped out and Dawn took over as coach. I was able to insert the dilator with helpful coaching from Dawn! For the first time in my life I was able to insert something in my vagina with no pain and no tears!!! I felt very empowered in this moment. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops! But – I’m not sure how the senior citizens at the Denny’s down the block would feel about hearing this proclamation during their breakfast. Still, I felt ready to conquer the world! Unfortunately, I hadn't even gotten to the part where we actually ‘stretch’ the muscles in my vagina with bigger dilators.