My name is Angie and I have Vaginismus. You guessed it! This is something to do with my vagina. This is your out right here - if you don’t want to hear about my vagina journey. Take it - now. If not - don’t say I didn’t warn ya.
I was never really schooled on my body, sex, all that good stuff. I was pretty much in the dark most of the time. It wasn't until I had a couple of experiences with my vagina that I thought there might be an issue. I won’t go into THOSE details. :) The biggest issue started about 10 years ago after I moved away from home to start my very own life. I went to a gynecologist and ended up in tears on the table because the exam was painful. Said doctor cared not. He did the exam even while I was crying on the table. His response, ‘You have never had sex with a man so you just aren’t used to it’. Yeah, nice dude, REAL NICE. The following year I did go back to him after having a discussion with the lady who answered the phone about his attitude. That time, there was no doing an exam on me. But again, he didn’t try to help me. I talked to a friend about it at that time and she suggested going to see a female doctor - that maybe a female doctor would do the trick. This doctor was at least a lot friendlier. She was also unable to perform an exam, but she gave it a name: Vaginismus. What a word! Really. I guess it’s better than Shy Vagina. But… she just gave me a sticky note with the word on it. That’s all I got. This was the end of the world. There was no help for my vagina. I was going to die with a shy vagina.
Let’s fast forward a bit and get schooled on the vagina! Vaginismus is – ‘the German name for a condition which affects a woman's ability to engage in any form of vaginal penetration, including sexual intercourse, insertion of tampons, and the penetration involved in gynecological examinations. This is the result of a reflex of PC muscle. The reflex causes the muscles in the vagina to tense suddenly, which makes any kind of vaginal penetration—including sexual intercourse—painful or impossible. A woman suffering from vaginismus does not consciously control the spasm. The vaginismic reflex can be compared to the response of the eye shutting when an object comes towards it. The severity of vaginismus, as well as the pain during penetration (including sexual penetration), varies from woman to woman’. (Thank you Wikipedia). I did some research and ordered a kit online to fix myself. Now, a little about me… I’m lazy. That should tell you right away that I didn’t do a whole lot with this kit. These things were pointy plastic things that I was supposed to shove inside myself. Let’s fast forward a little bit more - I never used the kit.
Now for a little about my personal life. Yes, I know we’re already talking about my vagina, but here we go anyways. 11 years ago or so I realized I was gay. This made vaginismus VERY easy to avoid because I didn’t have any boyfriends that I had to deal with sexually. And did I really need to use tampons? Nope. But still - I needed to deal with it. For my health I really need to be able to have exams and I really want to have a baby. Now is the time. I have a wonderful partner whom I have been with for over 7 years and we decided recently to start our journey of having a baby. Yep, now’s the time I need to deal with my shy vagina.
This blog will chronicle my journey in overcoming vaginismus and our journey of having a baby. I’m hoping I can reach other women that deal with this condition and may be too ashamed to talk to their doctor about it. Be prepared - there may be a bit more detail than you ever want to know about me ;)